It was Valentine's Day and Sheila looked on in amusement as her students scurried about with roses and chocolates. The girls, dressed up in pink or red looked as pretty as poesies and the boys in their state of heightened euphoria, seemed like they would conquer the world just with their sheer enthusiasm.
"Kids these days have no morals" chuckled Ms. Mathur disapprovingly, as she took great pleasure in crossing out an answer and planting a gigantic zero next to it. "I kept an exam for my students today so they would not get into any nonsense"she retorted, smirking at her own brilliance.
"Oh, come on Mridula di, you are too strict on them. They are just out of their teens. They will grow out of it." Sheila tried to cajole Ms. Mathur out of her grumpy mood lest failed the entire class at one go"Would like some honey with your chamomile tea?"
"Sheila you are such a darling! But alas, we are a dying breed. Tell me, how many of our students will grow up to be like us?"sighed the elderly lady, wiping the mist off her spectacles.
"God forbid" thought Sheila as she flashed an extra sweet smile at her colleague and handed her the tea.
But a nagging fear kept on disturbing her as it had been right from the beginning of her friendship with Mridula Mathur. She always referred to them as "we" and "us", as if they were a team and they had similar destinies.
When Sheila joined the University as a lecturer in quantum physics six years ago Mridula di had been like a mentor to her. She had just arrived from New Jersey after finishing her PhD, two months after her marriage ended in a traumatic divorce. Mridula's own destiny hadn't been very different and so she made an exception to be nice to the "poor divorced girl".

Sheila was a great hit with her students right from day one. "Did you know, she knows five languages?" whispered a bespectacled boy sparing a precious minute to talk of something other than quantum physics. "Look at her shoes, they match her saree perfectly!" raptured the girl with tinted hair in the last bench, not really interested in all the equations on the board . They would besiege her outside the staffroom and on the corridors and Sheila experienced a whole new vigor and enthusiasm in life just by talking with them.
"What will you do twenty years later, when you are no longer pretty and they will no longer come to you with their doubts ?"sniggered Ms. Mathur
"Oh come on Mridula di"Shubho smiled at Sheila with a twinkle in his eye"Sheila will be beautiful and vivacious for ever, wont you Sheila?"
Sheila blushed and turned away. Shubhodeep Mukherjee was a professor in biophysics who had taken a two-year break from Princeton. The "charming young man", as Sheila's mother called him, made his interest in her very obvious to all. "Unprofessional, you would call it, but that is just the way I am" professed Shubho, smiling at her discomfort "why else would I extend my two year stay to five?" Last year when Shubho left, he did all but beg her to come with him. Everyone thought she would give in ultimately, everyone but Ms. Mathur. "I knew you would never marry him" she remarked complacently"too much of an idealist, aren't you Sheila? He is everything every woman could want but you still don't want him. You are just like me."
THAT is where Sheila begged to differ. She was, by no means the shrew, nagging and scolding and bossing people around. SHE was, by no means, the sloppy dresser who didn't care if her saree was starched or her earrings didn't match. She was NOT the lady who her students called a witch and remarked "no wonder her husband left her, poor man" when her back was turned!

"Good evening Sheila ma'am, would you like to join us for coffee?" Startled, Sheila turned and saw a bunch of her students sitting in Flury's where she had promised to pick up croissants for her mother on her way back from college.
The voice had sounded so much like Shubho's. Her mind flitted back to a time two years ago when she and Shubho were seated in the same place, the fading light of the autumn dusk streaming in through the half-open blinds, creating a pattern on his handsome face. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that in front of Mridula di. You know she doesn't approve of it" she reproached taking a sip out of the steaming cup. "Well, I dont really get to talk you when you are alone, you know. I promise I won't give your Mridula di any chance to complain if you come out for dinner with me on Friday."smiled Shubo, gazing intently at her, his coffee untouched.
"Anything else Memsaab" Sheila fumbled for her purse, cursing herself for daydreaming again. She just couldn't understand why Ma HAD to have croissants from Flury's. It is not like there is a dearth of stores in the big bustling city of Kolkata which sell crossaints. But then, how do you reason with the sixty year old darling waiting expectantly for her evening treat? To see her eyes shine at the sight of the parcel in Sheila's hand was enough to make her day and drive the ghosts of the past away.
"Don't disturb me tonight with tales of Mrs. Sen's daughter-in-law Ma, I have a paper to finish."Sheila called out from her room as she pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from the depths of her drawers. She made a mental note of the dust on the drawers thinking of the ticking off Mala deserved for her incompetence. It was like a daily ritual for her to read Shubho's parting letter to her, although she knew it by heart. Even after a year her eyes welled up with tears when she read phrases like "had you been a bit more responsive or shown any positive signs, I would have waited...." . She could still feel Shubho's eyes gazing searchinly into her's as she read "...but I decided to move on as I realised that life will not wait for me."

"If you liked him so much, why didn't you go with him?" Ma reproached as she stood at the door, a glass of milk in her hand.

"Uff! Ma, you will not understand the dynamics of this so dont talk" snapped Sheila defensively, not pleased that Ma caught her in the act. "And how many times have I told you not to bring me milk at night. And shouldn't you, at least, knock before you come in into my room? As it is, Mala makes life miserable for me, now YOU have to add to my worries......." Sheila broke off to glance at her mother.

Ma was seated on the edge of the bed, her face turned away so that Sheila could not see the tears in her eyes. "I am sorry my child, I do not understand...."was all she could say before her voice chocked with tears.

Shocked at what she had done, Sheila ran over and put a trembling arm around her mother. As she wiped away the streaming tears from the soft wrinkled cheeks a sudden realisation dawned over her "Ma, I have become such a monster. I am becoming just like HER........."