Misfit!
Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt incredibly lonely at the same time? Or, have you ever sat on a deserted beach, all by yourself, and felt completely at home? No, I don’t think you have. That is why I am the misfit here.
When did it start?
Well, obviously I wasn’t born like this. I used to be like other kids too. I loved to hang out with people, talk, and be merry and cheerful. In fact, to a casual observer, I still may appear that way. It was first brought to my notice when, once in Presidency college, I was sitting with my friends on the staircase. My cousin sister passed by and we exchanged a casual "Hi!" That day she called me up and remarked "Poor Tan (abbreviated version of Tanya, my nickname), you were sticking out like a sore thumb."
I was shocked! There I was, trying my best to blend in with the so-called 'intellectual' Presidency crowd, trying my level best not to attract attention to my 'different' ways and it still wasn’t working for me.
"Maybe next time I shall try horn-rimmed glasses and a khadi kurta with oil dripping from my hair" I joked.
For three years, I tried to be like others. I did what they did, I watched the movies they watched, I wore the clothes they wore, ate the food they preferred and spoke in their language. But deep down within I stifled. Unconsciously, it chaffed me until, one day it just snapped.
So..... what then?
I decided to live my life by my standards. I began to treasure my solitude; the same frightening solitude which I had abhorred once. There have been bouts when I tried to go back. But then I retreated, realizing that I had gone far ahead on the forsaken path.
I tried to hang out with the girls once in a while but the frivolous talk, the overbearing perfume and the flirty ways made me want to cry out in disgust.
The opposite sex, well, you know you can’t be 'just friends' with them without giving them ideas (I have met a few exceptions, though). How can they ever respect women if they refer to them as a 'chic' or a 'doll' or other even more such derogatory terms?
So what is the life of a loner like?
Oh! You won’t even be identifying me as a loner from the outside. I will never pass by you without saying a "Hi!" and smiling. If you hang out with me, you will be surprised to find that I am quite capable of animated and intelligent conversation. You will rarely find me irritable or impatient, unless you rub me the wrong way. If you call me over to a party, I will certainly oblige. In fact, I might even call you myself on Saturday night to chill out over a Margarita. If you coax me hang out with your company more often, I will politely decline saying that I have a few close friends from school and IIT and I like spending time with them when I get the chance (which is the absolute truth!). If you happen to be one of those rare odd balls, I might even let you in my circle of trust. But, of course, that will not be till ages after I know you.
In the meantime?
......I shall sit in a room full of gregarious people and feel desperately lonely.
......I shall stroll down a beach, bare feet, all by myself, with wind in my hair and my eyes will light up with the warm hues of the setting sun. Only then shall I feel unison with the One I love......the love of my life; and all the lives hereafter.........
Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt incredibly lonely at the same time? Or, have you ever sat on a deserted beach, all by yourself, and felt completely at home? No, I don’t think you have. That is why I am the misfit here.
When did it start?
Well, obviously I wasn’t born like this. I used to be like other kids too. I loved to hang out with people, talk, and be merry and cheerful. In fact, to a casual observer, I still may appear that way. It was first brought to my notice when, once in Presidency college, I was sitting with my friends on the staircase. My cousin sister passed by and we exchanged a casual "Hi!" That day she called me up and remarked "Poor Tan (abbreviated version of Tanya, my nickname), you were sticking out like a sore thumb."
I was shocked! There I was, trying my best to blend in with the so-called 'intellectual' Presidency crowd, trying my level best not to attract attention to my 'different' ways and it still wasn’t working for me.
"Maybe next time I shall try horn-rimmed glasses and a khadi kurta with oil dripping from my hair" I joked.
For three years, I tried to be like others. I did what they did, I watched the movies they watched, I wore the clothes they wore, ate the food they preferred and spoke in their language. But deep down within I stifled. Unconsciously, it chaffed me until, one day it just snapped.
So..... what then?
I decided to live my life by my standards. I began to treasure my solitude; the same frightening solitude which I had abhorred once. There have been bouts when I tried to go back. But then I retreated, realizing that I had gone far ahead on the forsaken path.
I tried to hang out with the girls once in a while but the frivolous talk, the overbearing perfume and the flirty ways made me want to cry out in disgust.
The opposite sex, well, you know you can’t be 'just friends' with them without giving them ideas (I have met a few exceptions, though). How can they ever respect women if they refer to them as a 'chic' or a 'doll' or other even more such derogatory terms?
So what is the life of a loner like?
Oh! You won’t even be identifying me as a loner from the outside. I will never pass by you without saying a "Hi!" and smiling. If you hang out with me, you will be surprised to find that I am quite capable of animated and intelligent conversation. You will rarely find me irritable or impatient, unless you rub me the wrong way. If you call me over to a party, I will certainly oblige. In fact, I might even call you myself on Saturday night to chill out over a Margarita. If you coax me hang out with your company more often, I will politely decline saying that I have a few close friends from school and IIT and I like spending time with them when I get the chance (which is the absolute truth!). If you happen to be one of those rare odd balls, I might even let you in my circle of trust. But, of course, that will not be till ages after I know you.
In the meantime?
......I shall sit in a room full of gregarious people and feel desperately lonely.
......I shall stroll down a beach, bare feet, all by myself, with wind in my hair and my eyes will light up with the warm hues of the setting sun. Only then shall I feel unison with the One I love......the love of my life; and all the lives hereafter.........
posted by shreya at 10:44 PM
5 Comments:
Oh solitude is a lovely companion.. even after you trounce her shamelessly for other company, she is always around when you need her again.. and she never sulks.. or atleast so ive seen :)
Being at peace with oneself when no one's around is an art, hard to master. Its great that you can do this, and enjoy doing this, good for you. Inner calm is something which no amount chatting or chilling out with buddies or whatever 'activity' you can think of could bring; it's something you experience yourself. All right, I'm going on and on and on, time to shut the **** up, I meant hell really, not beep up... good blogging, keep it up!
The statement you made is not true:
"How can they ever respect women if they refer to them as a 'chic' or a 'doll' or other even more such derogatory terms?"
Do you know that guys even refer to other guys by even more derogatory terms than they refer gals. Does that mean guys dont respect guys???? Its nothing like that, just that guys are more casual - and you are interpreting that as derogatory.
e.g. students at college make fun of their professors and mimic them, some of whom they deeply respect.
@anon#2:
That is something I will never be able to understand! For me, if I respect someone, it shows in the way I talk to the person or address the person.
So I always get pissed off if someone refers to me using any of those terms! And come one....there is more to a girl than the physical appearance and I just dont understand why the opposite sex cant realise that!
I am not the earlier anonymous.
Guys and Gals are meant to be different by nature, so it is futile to try to compare the other gender with the same yardstick.
If a guy calls you by those names, then clearly it is to annoy you and see the response. We had a girl in our class who was hyper - so we all used to tell her things that made her jump up and down....and she kind of enjoyed that.
Post a Comment
<< Home