Here I am, once again.....
I am, perhaps, one of the most restless people I know. The only thing constant in my life is change. People who know me little will surely disagree. Here is this girl, doing a PhD (a 10 yr commitment, at least).....she must be one of those people who knows exactly what she wants and sticks at it until she gets it. Right? Absolutely wrong!
I, on the other hand have no idea of what I want or how I should get to it.
I mean, I not a hopeless case. I am not a vagabond who has given up on life only to drink and shoot up because everything is futile. I, on the other hand am a very passionate person with a lot energy and aggression. I am capable of working fervently for it when I really want it. It is just that, the things I want keep changing every now and then.
Take the example of my blog, for instance. I am very enthusiastic about writing every since I was a kid. I would write a diary, I would participate in essay writing competitions, win prizes, get admired for my compositions and all that. But then, I suddenly grew out of it. I didnt want to do it anymore. The same with my blog. I started out with a lot of enthusiasm and zeal, taking a lot of care to make good compositions. I loved it when people left comments and admired my writings. And then, one fine day, I didnt feel like doing it any more. I cast it in a corner and neglected it like an old toy. Didnt even give a thought to it for probably a year. Definitely didnt feel bad about neglecting an old friend.
Am I a bad person? Am I one of those people without feelings or emotions? Am I just shallow? I hope not! I feel that I lack a very basic and integral component called CONSISTENCY. While it comes so naturally to so many people, I have a hard time trying to cultivate it. Getting bored easily is just one of the wonderful characteristics my fabulous zodiac sign has bestowed on me. It may not seem all that big of a deal too, when I mention it casually. But what happens when I get bored with people who expect me to stick to them? Do I just walk away and break their hearts (I am guilty of that too, sadly)? What happens when I get bored with my work, my dreams and my aspirations? I cannot walk away from that. And I definitely cannot walk away from myself and try to be someone else if I get bored with ME oneday.
The very thought of it scares me; makes my heart grow cold. At the same time, I know that there is precious little that I can do about it. Ever since I was kid, I have abhorred routine. I have nurtured my love for freedom and somewhere along the line, I must have made a solemn vow to myself that nothing will ever tie me down.
That is perhaps my greatest commitment in life, the wedding band on my finger and the force which will goad me forever. That is who I am and that is the TRUTH. That is the beauty and everything else is irrelevant. That is the one thing that justifies my existence and my purpose.
I, on the other hand have no idea of what I want or how I should get to it.
I mean, I not a hopeless case. I am not a vagabond who has given up on life only to drink and shoot up because everything is futile. I, on the other hand am a very passionate person with a lot energy and aggression. I am capable of working fervently for it when I really want it. It is just that, the things I want keep changing every now and then.
Take the example of my blog, for instance. I am very enthusiastic about writing every since I was a kid. I would write a diary, I would participate in essay writing competitions, win prizes, get admired for my compositions and all that. But then, I suddenly grew out of it. I didnt want to do it anymore. The same with my blog. I started out with a lot of enthusiasm and zeal, taking a lot of care to make good compositions. I loved it when people left comments and admired my writings. And then, one fine day, I didnt feel like doing it any more. I cast it in a corner and neglected it like an old toy. Didnt even give a thought to it for probably a year. Definitely didnt feel bad about neglecting an old friend.
Am I a bad person? Am I one of those people without feelings or emotions? Am I just shallow? I hope not! I feel that I lack a very basic and integral component called CONSISTENCY. While it comes so naturally to so many people, I have a hard time trying to cultivate it. Getting bored easily is just one of the wonderful characteristics my fabulous zodiac sign has bestowed on me. It may not seem all that big of a deal too, when I mention it casually. But what happens when I get bored with people who expect me to stick to them? Do I just walk away and break their hearts (I am guilty of that too, sadly)? What happens when I get bored with my work, my dreams and my aspirations? I cannot walk away from that. And I definitely cannot walk away from myself and try to be someone else if I get bored with ME oneday.
The very thought of it scares me; makes my heart grow cold. At the same time, I know that there is precious little that I can do about it. Ever since I was kid, I have abhorred routine. I have nurtured my love for freedom and somewhere along the line, I must have made a solemn vow to myself that nothing will ever tie me down.
That is perhaps my greatest commitment in life, the wedding band on my finger and the force which will goad me forever. That is who I am and that is the TRUTH. That is the beauty and everything else is irrelevant. That is the one thing that justifies my existence and my purpose.
Labels: commitment, consistency, freedom
posted by shreya at 12:58 PM
1 Comments:
"That is who I am and that is the TRUTH. That is the beauty and everything else is irrelevant. That is the one thing that justifies my existence and my purpose."
Be consistent with THIS, mademoiselle. Much grief comes from trying to be what one is not. It gives me great pleasure to hear you speak thus. Great pleasure!
Togetherness and heartbreaks are little vibrations of timpani strings that give the symphony of existence an exotic flavor every now and then. I would not worry too much about it.
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