.......Deliver us from all evil

It was 1.30 in the morning and Shilpa suddenly woke up after a nightmare. Unable to get back to sleep, she made herself a cup of hot chocolate, loaded it with marshmallows on top and opened the blinds of her living room window to watch the rain. The torrential downpour was comforting to her as rain is a rare gift in the dry, deserts she lives in. The chocolately drink infused warmth to her whole body as it trickled down her throat.
But still, somewhere deep down there is a feeling of resentment and guilt. The same guilt she had for years after she saw some neighborhood boys throw stones at a puppy and she, an eight year old at that time, just walked away because she was afraid to speak up. Only this time, it was much worse.

She remembered the day when she was this doughy-eyed twenty year old, stepping away for the first time from the shelter of her parents home to build a place for herself in the world. She was going get her Master's degree and then become a scientist. She was meeting new people, learning new things, adjusting to living apart from her family and cherishing every moment of her new found life. She was also getting used to bad food in the dining halls that people called 'Mess'. What an apt name she thought to herself.
It was when she was getting her lunch in the Mess that a guy came up and spoke to her. His name was Dev and he was doing his MBA in same the institute. They knew each other very briefly from social gatherings. He was a Bengali too, which is what pleased Shilpa greatly because they had so many things in common to talk about. After a couple of chance meetings in the Mess, Dev decided not to leave it all to fate and asked her if she wanted to go see a movie. Shipla, the friendly creature that she was, agreed without hesitation. Next weekend, Dev asked her out again. Shilpa agreed but made a mental note in her mind to tell him that she does not consider them as 'dates' and so would love it if they could involve their friends as well. However, things didn’t go as she planned, because, on the way back from the movies, Dev proposed.
Shilpa was shocked! Even in her youth and naivety, she could see that Dev wasn’t being sincere. “So he claims to have fallen in love with me after going to the movies with me twice!" she thought to herself "He is lying!" This angered her greatly and she told him never to call her again and went back to her dorm.
The next week was 'exam week' and all she could think about was stereochemistry and Schrodinger's equation. Dev didn’t bother her at all and she thought of him as a 'good riddance'. Once the exams were over and done with, she was in better spirits and decided that it was time to finally get some shopping done. She stopped by the Mess to grab a cup of coffee. Right there, sitting outside the Mess was Dev. He was with his friends and pretended not to see her. She murmured an inaudible 'Hi' and hurried in.
"Hey Shilpa" she turned and saw that Dev had followed her inside." My parents are visiting me. They got some sweets from a Swami they visited here. Would you like some? Its supposed to be very holy. Surely it will bring you good luck for your exams"
"Sure!" said Shilpa thinking that perhaps she had wrong in her judgment about Dev. Maybe he is a good guy at heart after all.
"Take the whole sweet" coaxed Dev, all smiles.
"I can’t eat it, its.......um, its kind of bitter" Shilpa apologized.
"Wow!" Dev looked offended. "I didn’t know you would refuse something so Holy. Its wrong, you know, very wrong" he stressed on the word 'very'.
Shilpa immediately felt terribly guilty and remembered all the stories her Grandma told her about bad things that happened to people who refused Holy food, also called prasaad.
She managed to eat the rest of it and then after a glance at her watch decided it was time to go. Dev followed her out of the Mess.
"I am going to get dinner with my parents" Dev's unctuous smile was beginning to irritate Shilpa now. "Would you like to join us? They are staying at a Hotel by the sea."
"No Dev I would not like to meet your parents, thank you very much" Shilpa quickened her pace. Dev was still on her heels. She ran and caught the bus that would take her to the gate. Dev slipped in the seat next to her.
"Where are you going?" he persisted. "Can I come with you since you aren’t coming with me?"
Shilpa felt a wave of nausea rush through her. She didn’t know if it was from the lack of sleep or the obnoxious presence of Dev. "I thought you had plans with your parents. And now you want to come along with me? You arent even making sense anymore. Leave me alone!"
She got off the bus feeling heavy in the head and weirdly dizzy. She had never felt this way before and didn’t know what was happening.
"You look like you are not feeling well." Dev's eyes reminded her of a hungry animal. "Let me take you to your destination." He caught hold of her arm now.
Although she was glad for the support, Shilpa managed to wrench her arm free and mustered all the fierceness she had in her "Leave me alone RIGHT NOW or I am calling the security." She started walking towards the security guard at the gate.
Dev slinked back, looking disappointed.
Shipa hailed the nearest auto and went to the store just to get away from Dev.
At the store, Shilpa could not even stand without support. She held on to the fixtures for support and her legs felt like they were made of rubber. The whole world seemed to be spinning around in circles in front of her. Out of the haze, she remembered the face of the shop girl approaching her and asking her if she needed help. She remembered handing the girl her bag and muttering " my cell phone.....it has Anup Uncle's number.....my local gaurdian......please call him..."
She remembered Anup Uncle's daughter-in-law coming over to the store and then helping her into the car. After that, she had no clue of want went on. She woke up at 1.00 in the afternoon the following day with a heavy head and no recollection whatsoever of the night before.

Almost four years later and half way across the world, Shilpa was playing poker with her girlfriends on ladies night. After a lot of self-debate she finally decided to take the load off her chest and talk about the time she came so close to being raped. This was the second time she dared to speak about it to anyone and it was still as traumatic as ever to her. After hearing her story, someone posed a question she dreaded the most "Did you do anything about it, like report the miserable bastard?"
Shilpa bowed her head in guilt. "No I didnt. I was too afraid. "

Even after four years the regret burns through Shilpa like a fresh wound. She could have reported him. He may have been expelled. That would have been a lesson for him to never try something like that again. But instead she chose to be silent. She chose to let the miserable rapist roam loose in this world and prey on unsuspecting girls who would take his bait. God sent Shilpa an angel that day in the form of the shop girl, who delivered her to her safety. But would some other girl be as lucky?